I Game, I Saw, I Conquered
Deep thoughts about shallow gaming conquests.
Sunday, June 14, 2026
...Know When to Fold 'Em
Sunday, June 7, 2026
Corpse Abuse...for Profits!
I picked up a couple of free games as part of random giveaways and have been spending quite a bit of time with Graveyard Keeper. It's not a new game and definitely is a product of the post-Stardew Valley craze that saw a glut of pixelated games in that vein. It's no Stardew and I've been feeling a bit divided with my level of enjoyment. I haven't completed it yet (and probably will), so this isn't my full review, but just some thoughts.
Likes:
+ Easy to pick up. There's a bit of tutorial but it's pretty basic--you gather materials, you build various crafting objects, you craft items, and you try to complete tasks to further the main storyline.
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| My growing graveyard. |
+ Like the name suggests, a big part of your tasks is to maintain/improve the local graveyard. A communist-leaning talking donkey periodically delivers new corpses for burial. Each body has a sort of (unexplained...) quality level and you can decide if you want to alter that level by performing some....unlicensed surgery. With a bit of training (via a sort of talent point-like system) you can remove various parts such as bones, blood, or skin. These parts are used in various other applications but will change the quality of the body/grave when buried. The quality of a grave is determined by the quality of the body and the decorations you place on the grave. Part of the storyline hinges on improving the quality of the graveyard to a certain level. You can opt to invest talent points in burial skills (such as embalming) and in crafting fancier grave decorations. Oh, and you can also carve off some chunks of flesh to sell as "meat" to the proprietor of the local tavern. There's a meat shortage and he'll buy any "meat" as long as it has the royal stamp (something that you can purchase/obtain from both legitimate or shady sources).
+ If you want to be busy, there's about a million different things going on at a time. This is both good and bad. The main storyline branches out into having to complete tasks for a number of different characters. Plus, you have to keep dealing with graveyard matters--those bodies keep rolling in (at least for awhile--then that punk donkey starts demanding pay in the form of carrots or else he won't deliver any more bodies).
+ Zombie workers! You can unlock technology that allows you to turn bodies into zombies. Once you've also unlocked and constructed the requisite work location and porter stations you can set up a nice network or zombies who will gather basic materials for you. No one in town seems to notice this ominous behavior.
Dislikes:
- My biggest gripe has been the number of totally unexplained parts of the game. For example, each body has a quality level based on a number of red or white skulls displayed. The best corpses have none or few red skulls (this can be altered through embalming/application of fluids or removing specific parts) and they're the ones you want to keep in your graveyard. Other than reading descriptions of talents this aspect of the game is not explained. There's also an alchemy crafting system that is highly reliant on experimentation--basically you have to combine random stuff until you stumble upon the correct combo. When you do stumble onto a workable combo it's not saved anywhere. It would be nice to have a journal/logbook where this info gets saved.
- There's tons to do, but that can feel a bit overwhelming. I have found that it's best to try to focus on one task at a time (like improving the church/graveyard or specific character tasks).
I'm about 30+ hours in and feeling pretty mixed about my experience. I'm still entertained enough that I'll probably finish it (especially with summer break looming in my near future), but I've had moments of putting it down and playing something else. We'll see.
If you're a teacher--wishing you a great summer break! I get done on Wednesday and it has been a trying school year so I'm very much looking forward to less stress and more relaxation. If you're not done yet, keep holding on--you're getting closer (I know there are some places that don't get out until the end of June). Happy summer and happy gaming!
Saturday, May 30, 2026
Semi-Unexpected Surprise
Whispered wishes go through the quiet skies.
A lion cub’s fate is penned in the stars,
And lilac and gooseberries are never too far.
Tonight, there are no monsters to kill, no roads to roam,
Just quiet thoughts and wishes that try to find a home.
The White Wolf sits still, mesmerized by the dancing flame,
While Dandelion strums his lute and hums Geralt’s name.
Saturday, May 23, 2026
Leave it to the Beavers--Timberborn
I recently spent a bit of time trying to master my city building skills. Now, I'm absolutely not an expert in city building, but I can usually do decently. The city builder in question doesn't involve your typical human cities, instead, it's based on a civilization of advanced beavers.
What is it?
A city-builder with a few unique twists that include the aforementioned society of beavers.
How much playtime can I expect?
Honestly...potentially infinite. Your city can exist as long as you can keep it functioning and survive gradually lengthening periods of crisis (I will explain soon).
Pros:
+ Mostly helpful tutorial that allows you to get a grasp on the basics. More advanced features do require some searching.
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| The industrial area of my town. |
+ Beavers! Humans are boring...but beavers are cute, great engineers, and love to socialize. Beavers have the same basic survival needs as humans--they need food and water--but keeping them truly happy requires making sure that they have a variety of their favorite foods to choose from (there are multiple buildings where you can prepare a wide ranging menu) and plenty of options for ways that they can spend their free time. Since beavers are very social creatures they like to have cozy places to gather with others--this includes a nice campfire, a rooftop terrace, or a grand amphitheater where they can discuss their favorite task--logging. They also like to cut loose and have a good time, so building a carousel and a dance hall is a must. A unique need for the beavers--wet fur. Building special showers or a lido deck allows your beaver pals to take a quick dip. They also love an aesthetically pleasant area with plenty of decorations. Keeping your community of beavers happy will boost their efficiency.
+ Controls are easy to use and understand. You can easily rotate buildings and place them where you want.
+ Two different factions of beavers with specific perks. You start off as the Folktails, a faction that specializes in farming and can build beehives that help crops to grow more quickly. Once you've played the Folktails faction to a certain level you unlock the Iron Teeth. The Iron Teeth are more focused on technological skills. Each faction has its own unique buildings, so it's fun to experiment with their strengths and weaknesses.
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| The beaver fun zone--a carousel and dance hall. |
+ Elements of survival. The game functions on a calendar made up of cycles. Each cycle is made up of a certain number of days where everything works as normal and then a period of drought or badtide. During a drought all water on the map stops flowing. This means that unless you create a reservoir to store water your crops will all dry up and you'll be totally reliant on your stored water supply. Drought is the lesser of the two evils though, badtide is more challenging to deal with. A badtide is an event where all the water on the map is replaced by water that is polluted with high levels of radiation. It cannot be used for farming and will cause corruption to spread to any areas that are close to water. Corruption will cause any living things it touches to die (this includes trees, crops, and berry bushes). Learning how to deal with these disasters is a must as your civilization can only last as long as your supplies do.
These periods of disaster throw some additional challenge into the traditional city-builder genre. They also lengthen/happen more frequently the longer you play. I managed to get my civilization to cycle 50 but had one very close brush with disaster when I got hit by back-to-back badtides (the type of disaster you experience is random) and didn't have enough time to store up enough water. Luckily my few surviving beavers managed to chug along and bounce back.
(*I'm also fairly certain that you can turn off disasters if you're looking for a totally chill experience)
+ Advanced features for the leet. You can unlock a wide variety of switches that allow you to automate exactly how/when certain parts of your city function. These switches include logic switches (something that exceeds my abilities) but also a number of other types that trigger based off of things like weather or time of day. I lack the skills to get into this, but if you're the type of person who likes to tinker with all the fancy stuff...it's there for you.
+ A nice soundtrack. It's mostly piano-based music but it changes based on the weather. It's slightly more ominous during droughts and badtides.
+ Monuments to build. Like many other city-builders the ultimate achievement is gathering a massive amount of materials and building an awe inspiring monument in your civilization. There are several to choose from and also faction specific monuments. Most of them are beaver themed, which is definitely fun.
+ Speed controls to play at the pace you want.
+ Many starting maps to choose from with their own unique challenges.
+ Mod support.
Cons:
- More advanced gameplay mechanics do require some research. That's not terribly abnormal, but I found the tutorial to be unhelpful beyond the basics. Just expect that there will likely be aspects of gameplay that you'll need to look up.
Recommendation:
If you're looking for a city-build that mostly fits into the shape of the genre, Timberborn will be right up your alley. The additional survival challenge (and the ability to toggle it on or off) makes the game more fun. The infinite playability plus features for all skill levels of gamers means that it's great for basically everyone.
Saturday, May 16, 2026
Artistically Gifted
The most recent DLC for Two Point Museum, "Arty-Facts," recently was released. Being a big Two Point fan, I snapped it right up and returned to the zany world of museum management. But how does the new DLC stack up?
What is it?
DLC for Two Point Museum that adds in a new art themed vibe. You get a new museum with its own storyline to run and lots of new items to discover on expedition as well new decorative themes. It is priced at $10.99.
How much playtime can I expect?
To play your new museum to the four-star/story completion level (because you can keep playing to accomplish additional, more generic goals to get more stars) I would estimate ~10-12 hours. I completed the story goals and also made it a point to unlock all the new expedition art exhibits, so I played a little bit beyond the story. Playtime can vary based on your playstyle and goals, of course.
Pros:
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| The art studio--where masterpieces are made (eventually). |
+ Your new art experts don't just go on expeditions, but can create their own unique works of art. You can build an art studio and direct them to create a variety of artworks. Similar to expeditions, creating art costs a certain amount and you can specify if you want your artists to spend more time to create a higher quality product. A higher quality work of art costs more money and means your artist will be busy for a longer period of time, but also yields a perk.
+ Multiple kinds of art talents that can be trained. All artists can create paintings, but you can also train (or hire) the ability to create 3D art (statues and sculptures) as well as performing arts.
+ You can also train your artists in emotional intelligence which allows the to learn new emotions that can be added into their artworks. Emotions impact guest feelings and there are certain guest bonuses related to the emotions that they experience.
+ Lots of fun new art themed decorative items to give your art museum the perfect vibe.
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| A performance artist puts on a dramatic play. |
+ Building a stage allows you to employ performance artists who can put on performances that guests will pay additional money to watch. You can unlock additional performance styles on expedition and they include themes like miming, martial arts, and music. Like artworks, the type of performance your expert can put on depends on the emotional range that they are trained in.
+ Tons of funny famous artworks to discover on expedition. Many are silly mockups of actual famous artwork or have a Two Point twist.
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| Some of the famous artworks--Cheesy Gothic & the Stinker. |
+ To keep your security on their toes, there's also a new guild of thieves to contend with. These art thieves will steal your valuable work and replace it with a valueless, silly forgery.
+ Making money is a cinch thanks to Snoteby's auctions (love the name). These monthly auctions seek out specific kinds of artworks (usually a combination of a type of artwork with a specific emotion--statues that express joy, for example) that you can mark for auction. The amount you get depends on the quality of the artwork. Auctions are a good option to get rid of lower-quality works, but are a bit of a roll of the dice because the type of art and emotion changes each month. Creating a range of new artworks is a good way to get your experts some experience but to also make sure you have a range of works to auction.
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| Interactive art! |
Cons:
- It can be difficult to keep track of the emotions of each artwork and I wish they would add in a special layer on the view option to see emotions. Instead, you have to click onto each one and find the emotion. It's a minor annoyance when trying to auction off artwork.
Recommendation:
If you enjoy Two Point Museum you'll want to check out this DLC. I think I actually liked it better than the wildlife DLC. I like the ability to have your artists create unique artwork and to make money by auctioning them off. Having different kinds of artists also adds in some variety--it's not just about paintings. Give it a whirl!
Saturday, May 9, 2026
Finding all the Kitties
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| An example of one of the levels (from the DLC). |
Saturday, May 2, 2026
Busy Beavers
After I finished up my latest The Witcher 3 playthrough (probably #10-12-ish--I know, I've got a problem, but it's my all time fave) I decided to switch gears and take on my mounting backlog. In the last sale I decided to grab the city builder Timberborn since it had recently exited early access. I've been spending my gaming time with my fantastic civilization of busy little beavers and trying desperately to keep them alive.
What is it?
A city builder with elements of survival and automation. The twist...it's a civilization of beavers! These aren't your typical beavers though, they are masters of science and engineering who are capable to building very advanced structures. Like most city builders, your first task is to simply get your city on its feet--gathering and building all the required elements to simply keep everyone alive. In this case it's housing and timber and berry gathering posts. You can also build a science station that allows you to generate research points that can be used to unlock new, more advanced structures and features.
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| The beavers enjoying a dip in the river at the lido deck. |
It's not just as simple as making sure your beavers have a food, water, and a roof over their heads. Beavers are social creatures who want to do more than just gnaw down some lumber and eat berries, so it's important to keep them happy by beautifying their town with shrubs, lamps, and other decorative elements. They also like to eat a variety of foods, so you definitely want to build a farm to start growing different types of crops as well as a grill, mill, and bakery. Since they are partially aquatic they also like to keep their fur wet so it's vital to build showers (or the lido deck) so they can periodically take a dip.
Probably the biggest challenge are periods of drought and bad tides. During droughts the water flow on the map is interrupted for a short period of time and everything dries up--this means all berry bushes AND any farmland. It's important to plant a variety of crops because some have a limited tolerance to drought and will quickly die. At first, droughts only last for a short period, but as you survive for longer and longer they will also get longer. It's important to maintain a good stockpile of food and water to make sure that you have enough to get through these periods. You can also build a dam which can help keep some water around even during a drought. Eventually though, most of your crops will die and need to be completely replanted. Bad tides are the other major disaster element--they start arriving after you've survived several cycles and are more difficult to deal with than droughts. Bad water is water that is polluted with radiation and will cause decay to spread wherever it touches. This means that your lands will frequently be spread with corruption which will kill all plants. It also means that any beaver who spends too much time in the polluted water can also become ill with disease (luckily once the water is contaminated they will automatically stay out--unless they're busy with a task like building or harvesting). Sick beavers must be treated with antidotes that are crafted by a healer in order to recover. They won't work until they've fully recovered. The solution to bad tides seems to be blocking off the water source that leads to your settlement with a sluice gate (or levee) until the bad tide passes. This event winds up being a lot like a drought because everything dries up (eventually).
What I am liking/disliking so far:
Like:
1.) Semi-helpful tutorial that covers the basics well.
2.) Nice music and ambience. The musical change during droughts and bad tides is fun.
3.) Variable game speed controls that are easy to use.
4.) Ability to prioritize different tasks easily.
5.) The added challenge of droughts and bad tides keep you on your toes. It is possible to disable them if you're looking to make the game feel like more of a traditional city builder.
Dislike:
1.) Tutorial covers basics but not more advanced elements (at least, not so far).
2.) Slow periods of gameplay where I feel a sense that I should be doing something.
3.) Combining districts/expanding settlement is a bit weird and not explained well (but can be figured out/looked up).
Overall, I'm having a nice time with Timberborn and look forward to diving into some of the more advanced elements (if I can survive that long). I have more of a feel for the basics and a sort of progression path, so it might be time to switch over to a new settlement. Next week I should be ready to write up my full review. Happy gaming!










